Wow, I cannot believe that I have hit the day where half of my life was in polygamy and now half of it has been out of polygamy. I was told as a teenage girl trying to leave polygamy and navigate life on the outside “as many years as they F* you up, it will take that many to recover and heal”. I thought to myself, “NO, I am not waiting 15 years to be ok, and to be able to function.” Now here I am reflecting back on the journey, realizing how much truth there was, in that healing takes time. My determination to not live a life of struggle because of my past, and seek mental health services has helped me in so many ways. I can sit here and tell you 15 years later that I have maybe only 10 nightmares a year, when it used to be multiple a night. I can tell you that not only am I surviving, but I am thriving. The emotional and mental health journey is extremely difficult, but it is worth it. I wanted to celebrate this 15 years out of polygamy by sharing my version of events leading up to my escape. I started writing what is turning into a mini book. However, I am not going to get the book done in time so I have created this timeline to share a little glimpse of 2 months of my life as a 15-year-old bride-to-be.
Christmas Day 2003: “Let’s get a picture of all the girls who will be married this year,” I hear Daniel say at the family Christmas party. He starts calling my unmarried older sisters over one by one then I hear “Stephanie…”. I start walking to the wall where the other girls are standing thinking, “wow I can’t believe I’m going to get married” I was terrified, I was excited. ‘This was going to be great, I would have more control of my life, I can work where I want to, go back to school…’ I started thinking of all the things I could do once I was married.
Week of Christmas-New Year’s: I met with Daniel and Paul to finish my last “tests”/preparations before marriage. I was told that because my older sister ran away after getting married and causing a lot of problems for the Order (from the highly publicized case where my father Daniel nearly beat her to death), us girls who were being married before the age of 18 had to prove our loyalty to the Order and future husbands. At this point, I was already being sexually assaulted by my future polygamous husband so I had assumed it was my test to keep that relationship quiet and protect him. Daniel further proceeded to tell me that I needed to do a trial run, living outside of my mother’s home and have another mother report on my behaviors. He moved me to Washakie Ranch and told me to work in the barn slaughtering cows and preparing the meat for the Order. I protested and begged for another test, but soon realized that following instructions would be my best course of action. So I packed my warmest clothing, cleaned my room and moved to Washakie which is near the border of Idaho and Utah.
January 2004: My days consisted of waking up at 6:30am to eat breakfast, get ready in the warmest layered clothing I could, and make it to meditation at 7am. Meditation signified the beginning of the workday and morning meeting (In the Order everyone meditates for 5 minutes, 3 times a day – at 7am, 12pm, & 7pm). Following meditation, we would have the morning meeting, and by 8 am I would be in the barn where I worked with one other person until lunchtime. The lunch hour began with meditation at 12pm, then prayer for the food. By 1pm, we were back at the barn until about 5-6pm (depending on how long it took to clean up all the knives, blood, and meat for the evening, which we would begin to do at 5pm). I would shower, have dinner, meditate, end the evening with family prayer, personal prayers, and bedtime. This was my life proving my loyalty to the Order and being watched by the people at the ranch and in the home which I was staying. My behaviors were reported to Daniel, I had people calling to talk to me some evenings to further my testing. One particular hard night a few weeks in, I had a phone call with Daniel’s 9th wife, Laura Fuller (she is now one of the Order’s attorneys). I was telling her how hard the work was, how miserable it was, and how miserable I was. I opened up to her about fears of getting married to a much older man, and not wanting to get married. I shared that I just wanted to go back home to my mom’s home. Her replies were warm and supportive. She reminded me of my duty as a woman in the Order and future wife and mother. She reminded me that God has called me to become a wife. She reminded me that I am Daniel’s daughter and that I need to be an example. She shared that she too was feeling many of the same emotions and fears that I was before she married Daniel. She shared that she did not want to marry him, but that she did what the Lord called her to do and now her life is blessed because of it, and that mine would be too. I felt like it was a really productive conversation; I was re-motivated to get back into the Lord’s work for me and continue preparing for my marriage. The 42-year old uncle that I was to marry came to visit me each week I was at Washakie. I would spend my lunch break with him in his vehicle or the cabin at Washakie. I really looked forward to his visits to break up the hard work and remind me there was a prize at the end of this trial/test.
First week of February 2004: I was having another really hard week losing my spirits, missing my siblings, and just really struggling with the will to live, while being excited and terrified to get married. I don’t know why I was terrified because this man was already assaulting my body, yet I was still terrified. Daniel called me toward the end of the week and said “How would you like to come home for the last part of your test?” I wanted to cry and scream “YES”, but I was so calm and reserved over the phone not sure if what I was hearing was real. I wanted and would have done anything to go home, be with my siblings, sleep in my own room, but was so afraid this was going to be a trick and part of another test. So I remained calm and listened. Daniel and my mother, Heidi, were both on the phone telling me that they were going to Las Vegas for a conference for Advanced Copy (Order business) and offered that I could come live at home for the week to watch the kids. At this time, I was the oldest of 10 children born to my mother Heidi.
Week of February 9, 2004: I came home on Saturday February 7th from Washakie. Heidi and Daniel left on Sunday the 8th, and I was in charge of 6 of her 10 children ages 2-12 years. The 3 older boys were at an aunt/ Daniel’s other wife’s home. My mother, Heidi, set it up so that her brother (still in the Order) and his wife would take the school-aged children to and from school (remember I was only 15 years old). So come Monday morning, February 9th, we were on our own, and I was the “big girl” showing that I was ready for my marriage. Things were going well that first day alone, and I loved being home.
In the middle of the night on Monday night, I woke up to a man on top of me trying to take my pants off. I was in my mother’s bed with other siblings in the room sleeping. I was terrified and then I realized it was this 42 year old uncle named Arlen that I was going to be marrying. I still fought him off and convinced him to leave my clothes on and leave because my siblings were there. The next night he showed up again, this time I could tell he was freshly showered and that he wasn’t going to leave so I went to my own room. On the third night we talked about our wedding, and he told me it was going to be in the next few months. He and Daniel were both telling me how well I was doing, proving myself ready for marriage.
Friday February 13, 2004: On this morning, Andrea and I had still not decided what we were going to do yet for our “crazy last thing” before I was married. After the school-aged kids were off with their ride to school (Andrea missing for the 2nd day in a row) we pulled out our list. We did an eeney-meeny-mineey-mo to determine which one we were going to do among the ideas. When it landed on getting our ears pierced, I wasn’t sure how we were going to accomplish that. I had watched in movies when girls did it with ice, a needle, and an apple, but I was also worried about them being even. We thought about going to the mall, but needed a way to get there and needed to get to the Order’s “bank” so I could draw out cash. My mom’s van was in the drive-way parked the entire week, but the keys were at Advanced Auto (the Order’s auto mechanic business). I had driven a few times before at Washakie and figured I was getting married soon, turning 16 soon, and was just thinking I was such a “big girl.” I called my 42 year-old to be husband to take me to the Order’s bank and ask him if it was ok if I got my ears pierced. He told me that it was not his favorite thing about his 2nd wife (that she had pierced ears), but if it was what I really wanted then he was ok with it. I drew out my cash, we then stopped at Advanced Auto where I picked up my mom’s keys and he drove me back home after feeling up my body.
The next day, Andrea and I were talking about my wedding and preparing some of the décor we had already purchased. We were reminiscing on the good memories and how “when I am married she can come have sleepovers.” It was going to be so awesome to be married; I was so excited. Andrea and I decided that we should do one last “crazy” thing together before I was married to remember this time. We started on a list of “crazy” ideas which included things like coloring our hair, buying best friend mementos, getting our ears pierced – doing something we’ve never done before, just something. We had the Valentine’s Day dance coming up in the Order on Saturday, February 14th and we thought maybe we could spend the day like we were preparing for prom. That night when my sexual abuser, disguised as my future husband, came for his nightly visit after who knows what he did with his wife, I told him about the idea. He thought it was great and that it would be a great way for me to stay connected with Andrea after I was married, because he knew how close we were as sisters and friends.
When I got home, Andrea and I set out on our mini-adventure and day of shopping to prepare for the Valentine’s Dance. We loaded up the 3 younger kids in the van, buckled them up, and I started driving around the neighborhood roads until my driving “felt like when mom drives.” After 10 minutes or so we headed to Valley Fair Mall to get our ears pierced at Claire’s. When we arrived, the lady said that we needed a driver’s license number to fill out the paperwork. I told her that my license was at home, but that I could call and get the number. I called to Advanced Copy & Printing (where I used to work before Washakie) and asked my half-sister Esther to give me a driver’s license number off one of the checks in the cash register from a customer. I brought that number back to Claire’s, but the lady said that she needed to see the license. I told her I would go home to get it and be back. We drove back home, not sure how we were going to get our ears pierced, but I did not want to let Andrea down. We tried seeing if an older half-sister would help us, but that idea did not pan out.
I thought of my aunt (mother’s younger sister) who had left the Order a few years ago. I decided I would see if she would be willing to sign for us. I called my aunt, after getting her number from my grandma and told her about our idea to get our ears pierced. I told her that we went to Claire’s, but they needed someone willing to sign for us. At first she said no, but then she said she would be willing to meet us there. At this time, the school-aged kids were home, and I did not want the older one telling on us. So Andrea and I bribed our 10 year old sister to stay home with the 5 of them, and that we would bring her a treat. We set off in the van, back to the mall, where my “outside” aunt was waiting. She asked us a little about our lives and why we were getting our ears pierced, we kept our answers short and was very careful not to tell her I was getting married soon. She signed for us, we picked out our studs, paid for them and headed back home.
Saturday February 14, 2004: Heidi and Daniel were on their way home from Las Vegas. I was so excited to show them how clean I kept the house, the kids were fed every meal, I did an awesome job baby-sitting and was so ready to be done with my testing and just get married. This evening was the Valentine’s Day dance. We got ready for the dance at my grandma’s house with other cousins/half-sisters. It felt like we were getting ready for prom. Makeup was out all over the counter, girls’ prom dresses hanging, the oldest of us girls was maybe 16 years old. Andrea and I showed off our newly-pierced ears to many of our friends who all envied us and our daringness. My mother Heidi and Daniel came home this evening. I am not sure where Daniel went, but Heidi met us at the dance and took all of her 11 kids home with her that night after the dance.
Sunday February 15, 2004: The next day in the van Heidi noticed my ears were pierced. She immediately asked me how I was able to pierce them. I told her that I did it on my own with a needle, ice, and an apple. I was in the front seat of the van, and looked back to Andrea silently signaling to her to cover her ears with her hair, but my mother Heidi looked back as well and saw hers were pierced too. She was so upset and kept telling us how we would have to tell Daniel and that he would be upset. I did not see the big deal at the time. My own mother had holes for earrings, and there were plenty of pictures with Daniel’s mother wearing earrings. I just figured he would be mad that I did not ask him first. However, I did ask my to-be-husband, but then there was Andrea, and I knew I would need to take the fall for her if it came down to it. I had asked Andrea if she wanted to take hers out and she said no, that she liked them and didn’t care if we got in trouble.
Our mother Heidi had a parenting class (Rasing Kids With Love & Logic, but with the Order’s twist to it) that late afternoon back at the Order’s church and told us that we both needed to come and tell Daniel ourselves what we had done. During the meeting, I thought through the many scenarios of how it would go telling him. I figured that he would blame me for both, being the older sister, and hoped that he would refrain from physical punishment, but just push back my wedding and tell me I am not ready to get married. I wanted to be married to be free from Daniel and prove that I was worthy of marriage as a teen, but I also wanted to soak up all my time with my siblings and was not ready to live without Andrea.
After the meeting, Daniel came up to us and asked us how we did babysitting. My mother said, “They did really good, except one thing. Show him, girls.” We each took both our hands and swept our hair on both sides behind our ears revealing our newly pierced ears. We were standing in the crowded main room where church is held. Daniel looked at us and proceeded to ask us about why we got them pierced, how we got them pierced, etc. Honestly, I am not sure everything that he was saying. It was very clear he was angry, but that people kept interrupting him, as all his wives and other people had to say bye to him on their way out. The room become emptier, he continued to talk, then at some point the lights were flickering. We looked over to see that that last people who would be locking the doors were waiting on us. I had hoped this would end the conversation, but instead Daniel told my mom to bring us girls to his office. He loaded in his truck, we loaded in our mom’s van and followed him to the “Beckstreet” office. I began to anticipate the worst, but wanted to be hopeful. The other kids were left home alone with my 14-year-old brother.
At the office, Daniel sat at his L-shaped desk, which covered most of the room. Our mother, Heidi, sat in a chair at the small walkway to get around the desk to his chair. Andrea and I were sitting on a little couch in front of the large desk and had a straight pathway to the door. Daniel proceeded with his conversation about the plan of salvation, marriage, being a woman, what it mean to be a young lady in the Order, etc. He pulled down a picture of his mom from the shelf where she was wearing earrings in the pic and asked us why it was ok that she wore them. We guessed with answers like “she got permission, she didn’t know any better, times were different back then,” but none of those were the answer. Daniel proceeded to lecture us while the tension in the room increased. I was scared where the night was going, I was scared and angry with myself for getting Andrea into this mess.
At some point in the conversation, Daniel jumped over the desk and grabbed my neck telling both Andrea and I to take the earrings out. My mother sat and watched, Andrea frantically fumbled with her earrings to get them out and I sat there listening to Daniel yell, make physical threats, then he began counting down from 10, while my thoughts were racing. The closer he got to 1, I realized the reality that it didn’t matter I was 15 and about to get married, he was most definitely going to beat me if I did not obey. I started frantically trying to get the earrings out and they would not budge. Just as he said 1, I said “I need a mirror.” He replied, “You know where it is,” while he let go of the grasp he had on my neck and jolted my head. I got up and walked out of his office, down the hall to the restroom. I almost turned into the dark restroom with the open door when I looked over and saw the door to exit into the lobby and thought “Why am I staying here, when I know what he’s going to do?”
I opened the door and slowly walked into the foyer, down the small set of stairs on my left, into the lobby area and right out the front door. I don’t know what I was thinking, a part of me was numb, and I was just doing. I paused right outside the front door wondering what was next, then I started walking down the steps toward the street in the dark. I turned left toward the lit gas station and started walking. ‘What am I doing?’ I think. Just then, I hear a slam behind me. I turn around to see my father, John Daniel Kingston, bursting out the front door of the office building and look toward the parking lot, then right at me. Terror fills my body as I start running toward the people standing at the bus stop, as I frantically say, “Can you help me?” They responded in Spanish, so I take off into the gas station for help. No one is there, no one is at the register or anywhere in the gas station that I can see. I panic and run to the back room on the right side of the register hoping to find someone who could help me. Just as I walked into the office area with cleaning supplies I heard the bell ding, indicating that someone entered the gas station. I knew it had to be Daniel, so I quickly hid behind the door, grabbing the mop and holding it upside-down close to my body. Ready to fight, but also hoping it will keep me hidden if he checks back here. I stand there frozen. I realized what I had just done, and I had no idea what I was going to do from this moment on.
I stood there for a long time in my thoughts while my heart was pounding. I thought about how I got here and what my options were. I had no idea what I was going to do. When I felt ready, I put the mop down and ventured out into the gas station customer area. I found the cashier in the freezer section stocking soda and asked her if I could use the phone. She asked me if I was the girl that everyone was looking for and if she needed me to call the cops. We had a small conversation, I told her not to call the cops and that I was going to call someone to come get me. She gave me the phone and I called Arlen. I called him over and over and he did not answer. I wanted him to just come get me, I was done with the games to prove I was ready to marry him, and wanted him to just save me. He never answered and the gas station lady was getting antsy. The only person I knew that I could call besides Arlen who would even be able to help me was my aunt who had signed for us to get our ears pierced because she was the only person outside of the Order that I really knew. I called her and just started crying before I could even speak. I told her that Daniel found out about the earrings and that he was about to beat us, but I took off.
Two police officers ended up walking in after the gas station lady called them. One of them spoke to me in his car, while the other spoke to my aunt on the phone. I was so careful and did not tell the officer everything. I only told him that we got our ears pierced and that my dad was threatening to beat us; that we were in a polygamous group; that my father was John Daniel Kingston, the notorious child-beating-polygamist; that I had been in foster care two times before and hoped that would be enough to be protected.
The officers brought me back to the office where the 6 of us spoke in the lobby. Then, the officer took Heidi and Daniel down the short flight of stairs to a meeting room to talk. I decided I was done and that I was going to leave the Order. I was giving up, it was too hard for me, and I decided I was just not worthy enough to make it in the Order. I wasn’t going to get married; I wasn’t going to play the games. I gave up. This wasn’t a time of feeling empowered, I truly felt like I was choosing or rather accepting my fate in Hell because I just couldn’t shut off the side of me that hated the abuse. I looked at Andrea and said “I called (aunts name), I’m leaving the Order, what do you want me to do? I can leave you out of it 100% and take all the blame.” She looked me right in the eyes and said under her breath, “Don’t leave me here.” In that moment, I was ready to tell the police everything. They came back with my parents and I asked if I could talk to them again. The officer replied no and proceeded to tell Andrea and I how lucky and blessed we were to have 2 loving parents who cared for us. I was so shocked by what I was hearing. The one officer told us that he had a daughter and that if she got her ears pierced at our age without permission, then he would beat her too. The officer told my parents that because of standard procedure, they would have to notify Child Protective Services, who would stop by later in the week. They assured my parents that the case would be closed and apologized to our parents for their trouble.
My spirits literally sunk, my will to fight was gone, and I could not believe what I was hearing. The officers left and Daniel asked us to come back to his office so we could finish the meeting that we started. He told us that it was okay for his mother’s earrings because they were “clip-ons.” He said many other things during this whole encounter mostly spiritual and about the Order.
Monday February 16, 2004: This day was Presidents’ Day, so we spent the day cleaning our home for the inevitable visit from Child Protective Services. I still had my earrings in, Andrea did not.
Tuesday February 17, 2004: After my mother dropped the kids to the Order school, she enrolled me into West High School near downtown Salt Lake, about a 30 minute drive from my home in Kearns. This was the public high school that Order kids, who were fortunate enough to go to High School, attended. I was secretly really excited because I had been begging Daniel for over a year to return to school.
Wednesday February 18, 2004: This was my first day at school with my new schedule and I took the city bus after school to my mothers work at Advanced Copy in Taylorsville.
Thursday February 19, 2004: I missed the city bus right after school so I took the next bus. As the bus was driving down Redwood Road toward my mother’s work, I was thinking I would just get off a few stops early to go visit my Andrea and our friends at the Order school. As I approached the school, I saw a police car off to the side. I noticed that my mother was sitting in the back and figured that maybe it was for the child protective case the police from Sunday had to file. I walked into Andrea’s class to see the kids huddled, some were crying, and the teacher was not there. I was confused what was happening and asked another half-sister “Where’s Andrea?” The kids turned to me and huddled around me blurting out things like “They took Andrea,” “Andrea is gone,” “They’re looking for you,” and “How did you get away from them?” I tried to comprehend and decipher what was going on, “Who took Andrea?” and “Who is ‘them’?” I was able to gather that some police officers showed up with my “outsider” uncle and his girlfriend to pick up Andrea and me. I was so confused because I had not spoken to this uncle since the last time I saw him at my grandma’s home, which was months ago. I became very scared, unsure of what was happening, and trying to figure out what to do. I was supposed to go to my mom’s work so I decided to sneak past the cops, onto the Order school bus, and just proceed to her work. After I arrived, I called her to tell her that I was late and had missed the bus. I did not tell her that I saw her at the school in the back of a police car. I did not tell her that I knew about Andrea. I was feeling really scared. She told me to go behind the curtain at Advanced Copy and stay in the back, and that she was on her way.
When she arrived, she questioned me about a protective order, and asked what I told my “outside” uncle. I had no idea what she was talking about, and told her I hadn’t spoken to him since we saw him at Grandma’s. I could tell that she was frustrated, but also very scared like me. She told me that they took Andrea and lied about our family. Daniel called my mom and told us both to meet him at Paul’s office. We met in a room with my mom, Daniel, his 9th wife Laura, and Paul was there for a brief second. They accused me of causing the whole thing and working with my “outside” family to hurt the Order. They wanted to know exactly what I told them. I kept telling them that I had nothing to do with it and didn’t have any idea what was going on or why they took Andrea. They told me that my uncle was telling lies about our family, trying to hurt us, and he used those lies to kidnap Andrea. They told me that they had to drop me off to them at the police station the next morning or my parents would go to jail. Paul told me that I needed to make it go away. He ended up leaving the meeting and we kept meeting with Daniel and Laura. Daniel was getting very angry and kept accusing me of reaching out to my “outside” uncle and telling lies. He almost physically attacked me at one point, but Laura stopped him and reminded him that they were taking me to the police station in the morning. So, of course, it would be a bad idea to hit me the night before. This meeting lasted nearly an hour and included a lot of shaming and blaming toward me. They reminded me of my duty to protect the Order at all costs, reminded me of my salvation, and more. Daniel told me to go pack some of my clothes and threatened me to enjoy my night because this may be the last time I ever saw my siblings.
Friday February 20, 2004: Daniel and Heidi had until a certain time (9am I believe) to drop me off to the police station where they would be served a protective order. Daniel went through the things that I packed and told me that I could not take any pictures and that I could only have those if I came back to the Order. We drove to his office, he had me read the protective order, and told me to write responses to everything in it that was a lie. They read the letter they told me to write and then had me leave it on Daniel’s desk at his office. I knew they were going to use it to get us back home in a couple days. We weren’t really free, there was no way to be free. I had already tried. We drove to the police station where my uncle’s girlfriend, who I had never met, was waiting for us. The police told me to go with her and they read the protective order to my parents. We walked out to the parking lot where I grabbed my laundry basket of things from Daniel’s truck and transferred it to the vehicle of the lady dating my “outside” uncle. The officer escorting us said, “Do you want to give your parents a hug good bye?” I looked at them both and gave them each a hug and drove off in a stranger’s vehicle. She told me that she was taking me to Andrea.
CLICK HERE TO READ ANDREA’S EXPERIENCE AND OTHER ESCAPE STORIES
Picture of Stephanie (me Jessica)’s Order bank statement indicating that I was no longer in compliance and that I had paid the fees for the dependency case to the Order attorney Mark Hansen’s – our parents used our earnings from our child labor to fund the legal fees defending their child abuse!
REFERENCES:
Associated Press. (2004). Judge rules two Kingston children were abused. Cult Education Institute.
Dethman, L. (2004). Polygamist accused of child abuse. Deseret News Utah.
Dethman, L. (2004). Polygamist falls short in naming children. Deseret News Utah.
Thomson, L. (2007). Justices uphold return of Kingston children to mother. Deseret News Utah.
