Don’t make the same mistake I did with New Year’s weight loss goals!

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Every New Years thousands of us set out to lose weight…. “this is gonna be the year” we tell ourselves, and maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but the mistake is making it about the number. I made this mistake too many times in my life… doing the “step on the scale every morning routine”… ugh it’s higher today so punish, or yay it’s lower today so reward!! I did this song and dance a few years ago and it took me awhile to come to the healthier place that I am now. Don’t make this same mistake I did. This song and dance of punish/reward by the number on the scale isn’t healthy. Isn’t the point for losing weight to get healthy and the number on the scale is just a way we are measuring our progress?

I know looking fit, and feeling confident in our own skin is also the goal, but I can tell you so many ladies have shared with me that they did not actually feel the confidence they were hoping for when they lost the weight. This is especially true for those who used unhealthy options to lose weight. These weight loss goals or really they should be titled health goals are so much more productive when we assess our health as a whole. We would never starve ourselves to be healthy. We would not punish ourselves at the gym to be healthy. So why are we doing those things to lose weight? Why do we make our lives miserable when the goal is to be happier?

I know we are all in different places and the weight does matter for our health, but what I am trying to say is look at the full picture of your health. All of it, your emotional health, your physical health, your mental health, your psychological health. What would a truly healthy person be or do? Do you see the ripped gym rat as the healthy person? Do you see the person who constantly posts about their workouts and nutrition as the healthy person? Do you see the person who never talks about working out and eats whatever they want and still keep a fit body as the healthy person? Do you see the person who works out, eats a balanced diet, but does not live at the gym or stress about food as the healthy person? Do you see the person who never talks about working out or food but seems to appear healthy as the healthy person? What do you define as a healthy person and why? Why are you trying to be that version of healthy when there are so many versions? What is driving you, why do you want that?

I had to face many of these myself trying to strive for different versions of healthy until I found what was right for me. When I first started working out about 10 years ago, I was ashamed and embarrassed to share with people that I went to the gym. I somehow had this mentality that a healthy person should not have to go to the gym and work so hard at being healthy. A few years ago I embraced my workouts publicly, I posted about my workouts and nutrition daily, which was great for me at the time to motivate me and keep me accountable. I was also working with the companies promoting products that I loved and knew were healthy. However, I stopped doing this when I saw that it was affecting my psychological well-being and emotional health. I worried that my message promoting health was becoming counter-productive, that I was not imaging the type of life I saw to be healthy. I had to reassess, what version of healthy was I trying to achieve? I did not want to be the mom nor the person where working out seemed to be my priority over everything else.  Whether that was portrayed on social media or not, I did not want that to be the way I was living my life. So I had to reevaluate my goals.

I learned that I do not like the rigid strict diets and healthy lifestyle. I did not like having to say, “I can’t eat that” because of course my kids look at me like maybe it has poison, but also it’s miserable to be so strict with myself. I grew up with a very strict past life, I don’t want a strict future too. I do not want to teach my kids that they need to be strict with themselves and their health, I do not believe that being strict, constantly thinking about food and workouts is healthy. This is why I limited my promoting daily health on my social media, I worried that the message coming across was the need to obsess daily about your weight to be healthy. Constantly taking before and after photos and comparing myself to my own body was not the message I wanted to give my children. I want them to see that working out and eating healthy is important, but I want to show them a balance, and that I don’t need to obsess over it to be healthy.

So here I am facing the New Years resolutions, and having to evaluate what goals am I going to set out to accomplish this year. I want balance, I do not want to be rigid in my nutrition and fitness. I don’t want to be at a party and refuse all the sugar food, but I also don’t want to be at a party and stuff my face with it either. Not only do I want balance with my nutrition and fitness, I want balance as a mother and what I am teaching my daughters with living a healthy life. There are multiple versions of health, and being obsessive or rigid is not a version I want my daughters to follow. I do not want to make the mistake as their mother to teach them to be afraid of calories, afraid of treats, nor to use food as a reward/punishment. So I don’t even use treats as a reward or punishment in my parenting. I also do not want to teach them that they need to workout every single day to be healthy. In the past, I would prioritize my workouts, and sometimes my daily workout came before my parenting. I would justify myself that I was being a good example, and showing my girls how to take care of themselves, but one day it hit me that I may not actually be getting the message across that I thought. I was definitely not teaching them how to balance life’s responsibilities by doing that.

So what are my goals now, how am I going to do to try to accomplish my version of being healthy? Honestly, I don’t have that 100% figured out, I will need to reassess and reevaluate as I go along because our life is continuously flowing with changes and new responsibilities to balance. But I do know that I am not going to be rigid, I will eat healthy foods and more vegetables, but I will also have cake when I feel like it. I don’t need to eat the whole cake, and sometimes really all I need is a bite or two, not even a whole piece, but I will have it. I will also workout a couple times a week. I will try different routines, I will do whatever my body feels like it can do, and I will challenge myself at times. BUT I will not care what the scale says or does, because I know that eating balanced nutrition, and getting physical activity is being healthy. I will be cautious when my mind tries to justify indulging because I earned it, and will remind myself that food is not a reward. I will drink my Delight Protein Powder because sometimes it is nice to have a yummy shake and not have to think about making a meal with so much variety. I will just live life, enjoy life, and know that I am healthy because I move my body to keep it physically capable and strong and put nutritious things in it.

Yes, I have a good 30 pounds still to lose before I am to my pre-pregnancy weight, and yes my baby is 8 months-old now. I have felt pressure, like I need to snap back, but then I reevaluated my goals with my version of healthy, and realized that stressing about the number isn’t actually me being healthy. My number one priority is being a good mother, my babies are watching, and this is the time for me to show them confidence in my post-pregnancy body. Sure my clothes don’t fit, so that sucks to have a closet full of cute clothes that don’t go over my mommy hips. I could probably justify that I am just gonna go hard with my workouts till I get to that weight, but again why push so hard? Because again, I could use that excuse, but it still does not match with my goal to be healthy and balanced with my life, and a good example to my 3 beautiful daughters.

Through my social work education and learning about eating disorders and body dysmorphia, I have felt that going down that rabbit hole of striving for fit and healthy can actually lead to these disorders if we aren’t careful. So my plea is remember what healthy is and all that it encompasses, not just your fitness and nutrition, but for all the areas of your life to be healthy. That self-love and self-confidence will surface as you engage in a healthy lifestyle, but a rigid lifestyle and punishing yourself may get you to the number on the scale, but it does not get you to the happiness you were seeking along with it. This year, I will not be rigid, this year I will workout, and this year, I know I will be healthy because of it, know matter what size or weight I am on December, 31st 2018! I realized on my own journey that what goes on in my mind has more of an effect on my health than the physical actions I take. So remember this for you when making your New Year’s health resolutions.