I have many stories to tell, as my life has been full of surprises beginning with my birth into the Kingston polygamy group where I was raised throughout my childhood. I experienced and witnessed multiple types of abuses, and religious pressure, while trying to strive for love and acceptance within the polygamist group. My birth mother was not able to protect me for reasons not fully known; was she in on the cycle of abuse, or was she a victim herself, being the 15 year old bride and teen mom that she was?? I spent a few months in foster care at the age of 8 years old, again at 13 years old, and officially left polygamy at the age of 15 years old.
I had many experiences and insights during these first 15 years of my life with the variety of foster homes I was in and out of; I attended over 12 different schools during the 3rd grade alone; I began working around the age of 8 years old; I attended preparation for marriage classes; I was the daughter of the very abusive, hot tempered John Daniel Kingston; I was sexually abused; I was being groomed for marriage; I wanted to be the best order member, and soaked up all the information I could, until I learned it was no place for happiness; sooo much that cannot all be summed up here.
BUT my story does not end there! I spent 2 years in the foster care system at the ages of 15-17, moving from home to home; looking for my place in life; losing my family; losing my identity; facing the BIG scary unknown in the world I was taught to distrust; feeling alone, feeling shattered; losing hope in life itself; moving into one new home after another; learning the ropes of another family; trying to figure out what I actually believed and who I wanted to be, now that no one was telling me what to be; trying to be a normal teenager; so much new, so much change, and don’t mistake all those foster homes to be better than the abusive life I had in the order.
I met my forever family when I was 17 years old, was adopted as the oldest child in a (mainstream, non-polygamist) LDS family becoming their 7th child. Again, this is a story of its own with so many insights to share as we embarked on this journey as a family, taking in an emotionally shattered girl, who had no idea who she was anymore. My parents and sisters became my biggest cheerleaders as I took this journey forward in life, with ups and downs, sorrows and happiness, joy and pain. To say the least, it was not the easy ‘and they lived happily ever after’ that you all may be thinking… I was damaged, I was triggered, I was scared, I was A LOT for this sweet family. I honestly probably rocked their world and was WAY more than they thought I would be. I pushed back. I struggled taking down those walls. I struggled not always being in the survival mode I had come to know so well. I was finally in a safe place, but that only allowed the trauma from my past to come flooding in, resulting in a whirlwind of a journey for all of us. BUT my family never gave up on me, they did not throw me out, they never said I was un-lovable because I was too much to handle. They endured with me as I rediscovered myself and embarked on my emotional healing. I became their daughter, their sister. This became my family; I was not just the adopted kid.
Just when I least expected, I met my husband, Todd, who only added to my support – cheering me on as I continued to embark on this journey of LIFE. He became my perfectly-imperfect, safe, honest, real, ‘happily ever after’. Our marriage is nothing like I ever expected to have growing up in polygamy; I never thought I would find a healthy relationship. It’s not perfect, we don’t pretend to be perfect, BUT we have a healthy marriage full of love and respect. He is my life partner, my BEST FRIEND, my person (aside from Andrea of course), and again, so many ups and downs as he has been patient as I continued to learn how to not always be in survival mode. Together we face life as partners and BEST FRIENDS; we had 3 traumatic pregnancies, resulting in extremely premature babies; we have both been attending college our whole marriage, while raising our daughters; we have moved out of the country, on the journey through medical school, and currently living in Houston, Texas; our love story and family is my favorite chapter in my life.
Motherhood is almost a sacred word for me. It has been such a great blessing to embark on this journey and chapter in my life. I was so determined to raise my children without using the abusive tactics I was raised with. Learning to find new ways to parent, struggling to sift through all the do’s and don’ts we moms face today. AND feeling that overwhelming, UNCONDITIONAL love for my children. Being a mother is my greatest JOY, I look at my kids, and all the hard in life I have faced is so worth it to get to where I am now, to be the mother I am to them.
As I have embarked on my life journey of self-discovery and taking my life back from the damages of polygamy, I found that my life is complex. I am not simply just a mother, just a wife, just the girl who left polygamy. I have so many stories to tell; I have experienced so much. I have so many layers and parts of me, as we all do. My life has come in chapters, and each chapter a whole new journey and learning experience. On this journey, I found myself starting to help others on their journey.
So as you can see, I have learned to love life, embrace life, find joy in my journey, and I have decided to share this journey publicly. This is a decision I did not take lightly, as I have so many vulnerabilities, and knew that putting this information out there for strangers is scary enough, but my biggest critics being those thousands of people from the Order using my story to say “see, if you leave, you will face such and such hardships” as they did, twisting the stories of those who left before me. Furthermore, I never planned to share my story; I wanted to move on with life (even took on a new name when I was adopted) and wanted to leave “my Kingston Blood” and history of polygamy in my childhood. I was ashamed and embarrassed of that past, as if I had a choice in where I was born. BUT, it’s time that those of us who have left polygamy STAND UP, and share our stories so others know they are not alone. So please join me, as I share the raw ramblings of my journey through all the chapters of my life.
Reading my first post will give you more insights to why I chose to start this blog rather than writing a book!
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