To be honest, I do not know when the ABC Order Standards started or how they originated within the beliefs and practices of the Order. They were around my whole life and were taught to us in the various settings of the Order. They were referred to formally and informally, so much so that the terms “Breaking Order Standards” and shortened to “B’O’S’ing” have been coined in the Order. These standards are similar to rules that guide our behavior, and have been amended a few times during my lifetime in the Order. This may not be the most current ABC Order Standards that are taught within the group because this is from when I left in the year 2004. However, the changes are not usually drastic, usually it’s just a few slight word variations. Read through the ABC Order Standards, and below I will share some of the teachings we were taught for each one.
A copy of my ABC Order Standards from 2004
“A is for Appreciation – I appreciate my life and all the wonderful blessings and gifts my Heavenly Father has given to me.” This standard required that we did not complain about our lives, we do not complain about the negative things that happen to us. We focus on the positive, and every day give thanks to Heavenly Father for EVERY thing. We thank Him during all the 3 times we are to meditate, during morning and evening prayer, and every time we say a prayer. The prayer usually began something like this “My dear kind Heavenly Father I am so thankful for the many wonderful blessings…” you can be specific or broad from there in which blessings you are referring to. Along with this standard, we were to acknowledge that nothing was rightfully ours, but rather a blessing given to us from Heavenly Father. Every day that we are alive is a blessing, every penny earned at work is a blessing, every grade earned in school, every talent we had, any and everything we accomplished, any and everything we “owned” was a blessing.
“B is for Brother – I love my brothers and sisters and never raise my hand against them.” The idea behind this one is that we have an unconditional love for our brothers and sisters, along with an iron clad loyalty. However, the actual practice of this one was very confusing for me as a child in polygamy because I did see the abuse around me. I saw that brothers (numbered men) fought. We were also taught that we were all brothers and sisters in Heaven, so it was also confusing to see parents and grown-ups “raise their hand against” the little children. I did, however, notice that this standard was an absolute standard to follow in being loyal to our brothers and sisters in the Order when it came to protecting them from the outsiders. Again, brothers and sisters is referring to the teaching that we are all brothers and sisters in heaven, but then again, we are also all related in multiple ways in the Order too. Anyways, this standard was practiced more in teaching us to NEVER speak badly about another Order member to an outsider.
“C is for Cherish – I cherish my membership in the Order and thank the Lord each day for this gift. Membership in the Order is like a hunting license; It doesn’t guarantee anything, but gives you the right to hunt and seek for eternal life.” Wow, just reading this one over again brings back some of those memories and thoughts of when I was constantly trying to convince myself that just being a member of the Order was such a blessing. As if no matter what abuse I was enduring, it was worth it. It was ingrained in us children to recite to ourselves often how blessed we were to be members of the Order, and our membership was one of the most sacred and precious things we should “cherish”. Literally, nothing was more valuable than our membership in the Order.
“D is for Dress – I keep myself clean and dress in a modest way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father.” This one is obvious, but was also a double standard in the Order. We were expected to be modest, however, many of the girls were encouraged to dress in ways to accentuate their figures. When I say girls, I mean girls. Remember that I left when I was 15 years-old. Dressing this way started about 13 years-old for girls in the Order. It was not taught formally, and it was still frowned upon, yet it was a double standard because we girls were also taught to be attractive for our suitors. I remember receiving mixed messages on this; the message on the books said cover up, while the actual practice was to show cleavage, and pretend we were more like 17-19 year old girls. Of course, boys would have different teaching on this, as they did not have cleavage, and were allowed to take their shirt off. Furthermore, this standard also accompanied victim blaming in multiple ways. I was literally told by an elderly man in the Order that any part I did not have covered up with clothes, I was giving anybody permission to touch. Essentially, they did not need my permission or consent, and he of course grabbed my high thigh because I was wearing a swim suit at the time. This leads into another area of victim blaming; when we would report an incident of sexual assault, the adults would ask “What were you wearing”? I wish I could have articulated back then, “Well, I am still a child and he is much older than me,” or something to remind them that children cannot be seducers. Unfortunately, I don’t even know if they realize that or not, especially with so many teen brides.
“E is for Eternal Life – I will gain eternal life first before anything else in my life.” Are you sensing a theme at this point? And we are only to E! Anyways, this is very similar to “Cherish”. Our salvation, our eternal life is more important than literally anything else. If we are faced with a dilemma of values or standards that contradict each other, this one trumped all else. It was the most important standard, value, and belief that governed our behaviors.
“F is for Form – I will wait to form any ties with a boy or a girl until I receive my Heavenly Father’s direction on marriage. I will save myself for the one I marry.” Forming ties means that boys and girls are not allowed to have relationships, friendships, or sex before they marry, but the word “sex” is a taboo word that is rarely used. Remember this was being taught to us even while we were still in the womb. So from the moment we are born, and throughout our whole life, we are being taught about direction from Heavenly Father. This direction can come in a number of ways, it can be an impression, a dream, a thought, but the idea is that God directed you toward the decision. Direction for marriage has been an evolving practice in the Order. For example, the generation before mine was allowed to date, and those restrictions for dating happened when Paul became the leader. There is more to this I will write in another post, however, I just wanted to touch on the subject that we, as young girls, are groomed from infancy to prepare ourselves for marriage. Even after I left the Order, it took me a while to stop praying for direction toward the “ONE” I am supposed to marry.
“G is for Golden Rule – I will treat other people as I want them to treat me.” Harmless right? Well this standard was often used against the children. I experienced and witnessed grown ups reciting this standard to children in justifying the harsh physical punishment the child was receiving, which of course is complete hypocrisy when you think about it. Again, this is just my experience, and others in the Order may have been exposed to different experiences.
“H is for Honesty – I never take anything that is not mine. If I ever borrow anything, I ask permission first, then I return it.” It was always interesting to me that the standard itself did not cover lying, but rather focused on stealing and borrowing. However, we were taught about lying in Sunday School, and was even taught the different levels of lying; white lie, lying by omission, etc. We were taught that lying was bad when it happened within the Order, but that it was good when it was to protect the Order from outsiders. Also, good if it protected the leaders of the Order even when talking about them within the Order.
“I is for Incomings – I will let all my incomings and outgoings be in the name of the Lord. I watch what I spend and avoid extravagance.” I don’t think I could forget this line if I was in an accident causing amnesia, it was so ingrained into us. Money, money, money, it was often about the money. The people worked really hard, earned very little, but all in the name of the Lord. We were reminded of our spiritual payment in blessings for working because of course, we were hardly monetarily paid. This also required that every penny we earned, received, or found on the street needed to be “turned in” to the Order’s “bank” (office) before we could spend it. We were taught many reasons why this needed to occur, so I am not sure what the current story is that they are telling their people, but they taught me that everything needed to go through the Lord. I was also taught that it really did not belong to us, that it was the Lord’s, and in fact everything was the Lord’s. Another thing I was taught was that items purchased with the money that went through the Lord was blessed. Somehow the clothes would last longer, somehow the dollar would stretch more. I was afraid to spend money that I did not turn in, I was afraid that food I bought with it would poison me, I was afraid that what ever I spent it on was tainted and would curse me in some way. I know I am not the only one that had these thoughts, I just don’t want to make a blanket statement here saying that we all felt this way. However, there were many of us who did. Furthermore, with the outgoings I would second guess everything I wanted to spend my money on. My husband can attest that I still do this thought cycle when it comes to spending money on things. Maybe it’s a good thing to help save me from spending money on silly things, but it’s also exhausting to go shopping. It’s exhausting to look at every item and justify to myself why I need to buy it, why it is okay to buy it, and that it will not go to waste. It’s not a luxury, or maybe it is, but that’s okay. So many of the thoughts I have to cycle through when shopping.
“J is for Janitor – I would rather be a janitor in the house of the Lord than a king in any other kingdom.” Can you imagine being taught this your whole life and reciting this to yourself. It is amazing the power that chanting and self-talk has over our psyche. So even though we lived impoverished, starved, faced harsh physical punishments, witnessed oppression of women and children and all the other negatives that accompanied our upbringing in the Order, we reminded ourselves that we would rather be in this “than a king in any other kingdom”.
“K is for Kiss – My first kiss will be on my wedding day with my husband or wife.” This is why sex was not talked about, because we weren’t even allowed to kiss until our wedding day at the altar. How could sex possibly happen when we weren’t allowed to kiss? However, in my experience the guys who were sexually inappropriate were careful not to kiss, as if they knew that’s when I would know in my young age that the line was crossed. This was also another area where we noticed a double standard. “How is a guy able to not kiss until his wedding day when he is already married to a couple people?” I asked in preparation for marriage classes. The teacher scrambled for excuses, and decidedly stated “we should trust our leaders and the one above us.” A few classes later the teacher came back with “This standard applies to both boys and girls, even when the guy is married, his first kiss with the new wife is on the wedding day”. I realized she must have consulted this double standard up the chain, but yet here we were again with another. So we just need to make sure our first kiss with the one we marry is on our wedding day…? I know I was not the only teen in these classes who saw the hypocrisy. I also wonder if they have found a better justification for this, that us kids who are critical thinkers can’t easily find the flaws in. I have definitely been hearing that things have gotten better. Of course, I am skeptical; are they really better or is the manipulation just better?
“L is for Love – I will strive to love others as Jesus loves me.” To be honest, I really like this one even still today. It was not one of the standards that held much emphasis to us as kids. It was not taught as excessive as the others. We weren’t really even taught about Christ’s love. We were taught that Heavenly Father and Jesus were hot tempered men that struck punishments at us whenever we did wrong. In fact, the leaders of the Order, the numbered men in our lives, were how I imagined Heavenly Father and Jesus to be. Since becoming a parent myself, I have realized there is no way a loving Heavenly Father would just arbitrarily mess with his kids’ lives causing misery and constant testing to prove loyalty.
“M is for Marriage – I will ask my Heavenly Father for direction or guidance in choosing my future husband or wife.” There is that “direction” again. Like I mentioned before, it is so indoctrinated into our heads, that even with my young daughters I started to wonder if I should began praying for them to find their “number one choice.” I can’t even tell you the age I started including this in my personal prayers, as it was just something I always remembered hearing and saying. However, as kids in the Order, we do not always see the hand our father and leaders have in guiding this “direction”. We were told that we had a choice, however the story was also taught that we picked our husbands, our family, and children in the pre-existing life. It was on us to use the Lord’s direction to figure out who we choose for our “number one choice” so that we could have the right kids. If we did not marry our “number one choice” there was no guarantee that we would have “our” kids, the ones we chose in heaven. Marrying our “number one choice” was also our best chance at happiness here on this earth; we were promised that following this direction would lead us toward eternal happiness. This also fed the beliefs that when bad things happened, it was in response to us not following the Lord 100%, or that we married the wrong person, etc. We were groomed to turn to our fathers and leaders to strongly guide and influence who we “chose” to marry. Of course, we got a “choice”. Remember we “chose” in heaven during the pre-existing when our eyes were fully opened. So now we may have forgotten why we “chose” that person to marry, but we need to trust our leaders, and our pre-existing choice. Please tell me you sense the slight sarcasm? Also, this was just one of the teachings, as they were continuously evolving with knew arguments to debunk those who would find the contradictions and hypocrisy in the teachings. As I grew older (pre-teen) in my preparation for marriage classes, Sunday School, Order school and girls meetings with Daniel, we were taught more about “direction”. We were strongly groomed to trust our fathers in guiding us toward our “number one choice”. Many of us prepared lists of who we believed our “number one choice” was, or lists of men we had “direction” on. We counseled with our fathers on these lists, they would give us guidance to take names off or add names to the list. It was quite a process, and it was strategically done in a way that we truly believed it was our “choice” to marry the one we “chose”, and that we received “direction” on that person. Most recently, I have been told by members “they really allow us to choose who we are going to marry now” as if this is some nuance. I am just waiting to hear the new process so my mind can do what it does, and recognize the manipulation.
“N is for Natural – A natural man is an enemy to God.” This one is actually scripture taken from Mosiah in reference to the fall of man from Christ. It may also be worthy to note that this is one of the few places that I saw the word “God” written instead of “Heavenly Father”. That was something to notice as a young kid in the Order because we were also taught that using the Lord’s name in vain was simply saying the word “God”. Plus this phrase was hard for my little mind to comprehend, yet I used it often to remind other little kids their place, as I was reminded mine.
“O is for Obedience – I obey my father and mother and those who are over me.” First of all let’s just address the word OBEY… umm really, I feel weird even looking at my kids and saying “obey me!” Maybe I just heard this word too many times, and had too many formal Sunday School and school lessons on obedience. Anyway, in this one it is also worthy to note the “law of one above another”, which is a practice in the Order that organizes the members into a hierarchy. We were trained, coaxed, groomed, and some even beaten to follow the “one above us”, which is determined by the Order’s ranking system with “numbered men”. So we were required to OBEY the person who was “over us” even when they told us to do illegal things. We were given more praise for obeying them, even if what they told us to do was wrong. If it was wrong, the one above them would get after them, but that also required the one above them finding out. Are you seeing all the problems here? Why so many kids are abused and struggle coming forward? Why so many do not tell the truths of the Order until after they leave and they’re in a safe environment?
“P is for Prayer – I begin and end each day in prayer and remember my meditations. Prayer, meditation and the help of the Lord will help me make my decisions.” Okay, so for those of you who have left and struggle with indecisiveness… well, this may be a reason contributing to that. We were taught to never trust ourselves and to not trust those instincts unless we consulted with the Lord through prayer and meditation. I know we all have different experiences, but I definitely have instances where I came to Daniel sharing that I had impressions from the Lord that I should continue my education. He shut me down reminding me that it probably wasn’t from the Lord because he too was impressed that I should work full time. We had similar conversations about who I should marry, where I should work, etc. So I guess I am being presumptuous that others had similar experiences to doubt their own thoughts and decisions. Anyway, we had morning and night prayer, prayers before food, prayers at the open and close of meetings, and other random prayers throughout the day. Meditation occurred each day for 5 minutes beginning at 7am, noon, and 7pm. We were required to meditate while at work, while at school, and if we were in public, still required to try to meditate for those 5 minutes without bringing too much attention to ourselves.
“Q is for Quality – I will improve the quality of my life by using my time to benefit others.” I swear it used to say “to benefit the Order”, but that could have just been us kids joking around. Then again, these standards have had some edits to them over the years. Anyway, this one referred to living a life of servitude to the Order and members of the Order, especially those who were “above us”.
“R is for Resolve – It is my firm resolve and fixed purpose to give my all to the Lord; my time, my talents, all that I am or ever expect to be, to the establishment of Zion and the building up of the kingdom of God on this Earth. This is consecration.” ….. I think we almost need a moment of silence here for the loss of a soul given to the establishment of their Zion…… We are groomed from infancy to GIVE ALL THAT WE ARE to the Order! This is done in such a way that by the time these souls become adults, they don’t know how to exist without living out their purpose of GIVING and building up the kingdom of the Order. They truly have sacrificed themselves down to their soul. Everything they own, everything they are, including their talents and abilities, belongs to the Order, and should be used for the purpose of building up the Order…. I think we need to take another moment to pause for so many who have literally given their souls and complete sense of self away to the building up of the Order…. I don’t know if I should praise their ability to do so or truly hold a funeral for their souls and loss of life.
“S is for Speak – When I speak, the words that I say are clean and pure. I will not swear or use my Heavenly Father’s name in vain.” Swearing was not allowed, but worse than swearing was saying the word “God” in any way except for reading it on scripture church documents. HOWEVER, the “N” word is used as a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, and in every way possible. I heard this word come out of my father’s mouth often, the leader Paul’s mouth, and from so many people, even us as kids used this word on the daily. In fact, it is almost one of the first habits that needs to be broken to enter the outside world, and has been challenging for some.
“T is for Truth – I always tell the truth.” Of course, as mentioned above, this is one of the standards that contradicted other standards and rules in the Order. When asked “What about to an outsider?” it was shut down with the obvious “Outsiders are trying to hurt the Order, so we can’t tell them anything that can hurt the Order.” To follow up, we also had separate meetings with Daniel, in Sunday School, and even in school on how to talk to outsiders where “we can tell the truth, but not tell the truth”. It was like talking in circles. I got so sick of playing these games, that I think I overshare now with details about the truth that are mundane and pointless to the actual point of the story.
“U is for Understanding – I will understand the feelings and actions of other people and not be quick to judge them.” So I am pretty sure this one was not around in my younger years, but I definitely remember in my teen years, when I was being sexually abused, this standard reminded me that I needed to be more understanding. There was always an excuse for the mistreatment, always an excuse for the abuse. There was always something to “understand” and not be to “quick to judge”. In fact, this was partly why I did not rush to prosecute my sexual abuser.
“V is for Voice – I listen to the still small voice within me. It tells me what is right and wrong. If I listen and obey, it will guide me every day.” This one is tied in with prayer and the other teachings to listen to our leaders. I also believe this teaches people to lose their “voice” in a roundabout way, because it focuses on being quiet, listening, and obeying. So we were not directly taught that this standard manipulated us into forgetting how to use our voice, but of course that is something I have theorized since leaving and processing my life in the Order.
“X is for eXercise – I will eXercise my mind and my body with clean thoughts and wholesome activities.” This standard is referencing the word of wisdom, which has its own set of rules and guidance to govern how we were to eat. It was very similar to the LDS teachings with the word of wisdom, but had a few variations. Moreover, “wholesome activities” refer to the many recreational activities and traditions that occurred in the Order.
“Y is for Youth – I will represent the youth of Zion and be a good example to my younger brothers and sisters.” We were often told to be a good example to those who may be looking up to us. This is actually something I still tell my own children. Well, not the representing youth in Zion part – haha – but to be aware of others looking up to them, and who may follow their example.
“Z is for Zest – I do my work with zest and do more than I am asked to do. I thank the Lord each day for my opportunities and blessings.” So the word zest means “great enthusiasm and energy” according to Webster, and this is exactly what they expected from us in our work to build up the kingdom of God. There was a common phrase that started with a numbered man “one more round from the kingdom”, which meant working extra without pay, giving extra effort, going the extra mile. This thought process, this action to go “one more round” has been a hard habit for me to break. Even with my fitness workouts I would do one extra rep as my “one more round”. I had to redefine it, and just tell myself I am doing one more rep in case one of my reps was not good enough. It’s amazing how indoctrinated we were, that even years later for me, when I broke away in my youth, I still have thought processes, habits, and behaviors that I am changing. It’s not that everything we were taught was bad, but I do need to decipher if the teaching is harming me psychologically. I have learned that some of the teachings groomed me to be easily taken advantage of and struggle with life outside of the Order. Anyway, the second part of the standard was one of those teachings that reminded us to feel blessed that we are given this wonderful opportunity to serve in the Lord’s kingdom. This was the teaching that we would remind ourselves of, in order to get through those hard days. And by hard, I mean those days I wished I could die. I would remind myself that I am serving Jesus, I am serving God, and I am sacrificing “all that I am or ever expect to be” to “build up the establishment of Zion”! I am blessed, even if I am the scum of the kingdom doing only the scuff work, while being whipped. I am blessed that I even get the opportunity to be in the kingdom.
Now you know our ABC’s so you can get indoctrinated with me!
